Summa Summa Summatiiiiime

Well, summer was upon us.  But as the mornings have gotten colder and the nights darker, and we are all once again forced to share the road with the horror that is school buses (busses?), it's hard to argue that it's fading quickly.  With Labor Day right around the corner, it's undeniable that 2012 is on its slow death march to winter.  Soon we'll all be over raking leaves like we're over the heat now or we were over spring rains.  Hell, I'm already over snow.  I'm kind of a seasonal affective hipster like that.  "Oh... wintry mix?  Yeah, I was really into that in like June but it's so mainstream for November.  I'm getting pretty into tornadoes and spring flooding these days." 

I know what you're thinking (other than, "wow, that weather hipster joke went on pretty long") "But Anna," you're saying to yourselves, which is arguably a little weird since you're alone in front of a computer screen, "you love Fall!"  And to you I say, "Well, you, friend, are right.  And please don't forget that I am still trying to make A-boogie catch on as a nickname."

But.  I DO LOVE FALL.  Seriously, what's not to love?  You get to drink beer that tastes like cinnamon, everything is made of pumpkins, hayrides are real, sweaters exist, and on Sundays you get to watch football.  All day.  Fall.

I don't love summer.  Don't get me wrong, we're on speaking terms and all but on the whole it sort of blows.  Who wants to be hot all of the time and then suddenly freezing when you enter any public building?  Masochists, probably.  Definitely Nazis.  Most noted Racists.  If you love summer and you're still reading this, you may or may not be a communist.  Summer.

That being said, this was a great summer.  First of all, the OLYMPICS happened.  I was pretty subtle about it while it was going on, but I truly and deeply with every fiber of my being love the OLYMPICS.  The worst thing about the OLYMPICS being over is everything.  The best thing about the OLYMPICS being over is that it is a mere seventeen months until the NEXT OLYMPICS.

And how about America, amirite?  We've had the best summer.  We kicked ass at the OLYMPICS.  We landed on MARS and our spaceship (rover?  Marscar?) is live tweeting.  Tweets in space.  2012.

Ladies are having a great summer too.  We won something like all of America's gold medals (no need to fact check, I'm sure this is right).  Plus many of us went on vacations and most of us got tans.  Sure, we can't be president, but we did all get to read erotica about kinky sex and we didn't even have to go to literally any website to do it.  No no, we made them put it in a book.  Because we like our bondage porn with a side of classy.

But more importantly than that or any of your summers, I've had a great summer.  I've wiled away many a crafternoon.  See below:

And I've canned vegetables like it's going out of style (40 years ago). 

I also took the opportunity this summer to get really snobby about community supported agriculture and Farmers Markets.  I have eyed many a Kroger tomato with disdain, and I went through a pretty sizeable cabbage phase.

Now sure, my own garden was sort of a disaster.  My plants got very tall.  But as many among my vast readership are gardeners and surely know, tall wasn't really what I was going for.  Yes, I was in fact hoping that these plants would produce vegetables.  For eating.  But this was not to be.  In a strange turn of events, those plants I was sure were bell pepper plants even turned into zinnias.  Ever the experienced gardener, I waited weeks for peppers to grow from the fist sized orange and pink flowers.  "Maybe it was just a new type of pepper," thought I.  Spoiler alert: it wasnt.

Note the subtle differences.

So yeah, I didn't get to go on a vacation or buy any fancy new things, and I worked some long days, but among the weddings and the cookouts, to the glow of the fireflies and the beauty of my favorite wild orange tiger lilies, I was open to new experiences, and since this blog is your life advisor, you should be so this fall.  Just say yes.  Even if it's to something as trivial as trying all the types of cheeses at the Farmers Market or something vastly important as getting together once a week to play a children's recess game.

Change is scary but the excitement is greater than the fear.  And sometimes, if you're very lucky, you get zinnias where you're expecting bell peppers.

DIY Lamp Makeover!

Saturday morning, I picked up this gem of a lamp at the local Habitat for Humanity ReStore  for a mere $10.

It's not exactly... modern.  Yes, that's orange glass.  The good news is, only place to go is up, right?

So how did we get here?

Materials:
Lovely Lovely Lamp 
Spray Paint (I chose Krylon Gloss White)
Fabric
Ribbon

Tools:
Iron
Hot Glue Gun

Step One: I started off by feeling slightly remorseful about painting over the colored glass, because it was fairly nice.  But then I thought, hey, this was $10 and from the condition it was in, it was clearly being stored in someone's garage before it came to the ReStore, so I made my peace with it.  I really appreciated everyone who supported me through that difficult time.

Step Two: Spray paint.  Eat delicious salad of CSA lettuce, bleu cheese, walnuts, and craisins. Yum.  And paint.  Eat Ben and Jerry's Frozen Greek Yogurt.  Yum.  And paint.  It took me 4 coats, with a bit of craft paint touch up.  For you, I will only post the final coat picture.  I am really impatient and like to shortcut so I didn't prime it.  It probably would take less coats if you primed first.  But then that's a whole other step.  Yikes. 

 Step Three: Shade time!  It could be argued that you could work on the shade in between coats of spray paint, and while that is technically true, eating the frozen yogurt is a very integral part of the process and you have to allow time for that.  Also, if you fully coat then work on the shade, it gives the spray paint time to dry.  But it's up to you.

 

This is the shade.  It's not special.  It came with the lamp.  First I ironed the fabric, which is weird for me since I hate that part, like to skip steps, and basically everything I make with fabric has big creases in it.  BUT I ironed this.  I really needed to tell everyone that because I'm pretty proud of myself.  Then I used the glue gun, pulling the fabric taut and gluing it to the actual shade.  I didn't take any pictures of that.  Sorry.  Please try to get over it someday. I understand if you need time.

When I was done, it looked like this.

A note about the fabric: It came from Hobby Lobby and was $8.99/yd (don't forget Hobby Lobby has 40% off coupons on their website) and I grabbed the last yard and a quarter.  I have been eying this fabric, because it reminds me of the Blue Willow china pattern.

I am glad to finally have a reason to use it. It took me slightly less than a yard.  I added a teal ribbon, also from Hobby Lobby, for $3.99/4 yards.  As you can probably see from the background in these pictures, teal is a theme in my living room, and adding the ribbon tied the lamp into the room.  I also attached this with hot glue.

THEN, the best part.  I brought in the lamp, I added the shade, I took 1000 pictures, and then I rested on my laurels. 

And no, I can't explain the weird bird collages in the background. I put a bird on it! Just accept it.

The TV Land Debate

Okay, it's no secret to any of you that I am a democrat.  I make no apologies about that, and it will probably turn up in my blog from time to time (now that my Chinese New Year's Resolution is to blog more).  Hey, what do you know?  It's turning up today in fact.

What network hasn't had a debate yet?  I wondered to myself in the shower this morning.  (It's this kind of mind-wandering that was also responsible for my later pondering: Have I shampooed my hair yet?)  But the answer is, obviously, TV Land, or what my father considers to be the only channel on television.  That's right, TV Land is the only network that has not held a debate yet.  Just go with me here.  What would it be like if TV Land had a debate?  What would it be like if the remaining Republican presidential candidates were classic television characters?

Okay, so the premise is weak, but the analysis is solid.  Read on.

MITT ROMNEY.... ARTHUR FONZARELLI

“Aaaaaaay”  The Fonz is so cool that even the term for when things stop being cool is named after something he did.  Much like his television icon, and childhood best friend, Mitt Romney is also just cool. Other ways Mitt is like the Fonz?  His office is in a bathroom and he lives above a garage.  (Facts.) 

Though he’s initially a rebel, and Mr. C is right to fear his influence on his children: the impressionable Richie, the lovestruck Joni, and of course the mysteriously absent Chuck, The Fonz is a family man at heart and ends the series with adopting an orphan. Or so I read on Wikipedia.  Did anyone know that? Must have happened post-shark jump.  Much like Fonzie, Mitt Romney has undergone a transitional arc of his own, from New England liberal to viable Republican candidate for president.  The Fonz liked Ike, the Fonz’s bike liked Ike, and so did 2012 Mitt.

Unsurprisingly, when you run a google image search for Romney (with or without the intent of photoshopping his head onto the body of Henry Winkler), there are a number of pictures of him throwing his thumb up and also once Mitt Romney started his stalled campaign bus by punching the hood.  But, is aligning yourself with the Fonz really a good campaign strategy?  I mean, the man jumped over a shark with a motorcycle… okay, actually, yes, I would vote for Mitt Romney if he jumped over a shark with a motorcycle, and the way things are looking after South Carolina, he might just be that desperate for votes. 

 

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but you are one dumb Pollack.”  - Newt to John King last week

 NEWT GINGRICH AS ARCHIE BUNKER

“You might as well shut the doors of this country and hang up a sign, ‘Closed. Owner Gone Nuts.’”  Is that an Archie Bunker quote or a Newt Gingrich quote?  Admit it, you googled it. Like his great tv predecessor before him, Newt Gingrich has got a lot of complaining to do.  Stop this country, Newt wants to get off.  And he wants to sit in his chair and watch some television and not be bothered by that meathead son in law of his.  Those were the days, right, Newt?  

Okay, so I can only conjecture that they were because I’m not one of the few still alive who remember when the iconic, inexplicably beloved, ethically questionable, and uncontrovertedly racist blowhard Archie Bunker reigned supreme as tv’s biggest asshole.  Unfortunately for Newt, however, I am one of many still alive who remember when the  iconic, inexplicably beloved, ethically questionable, and uncontrovertedly racist blowhard Newt reigned supreme as Congress’s biggest asshole.

“That Newt, he is incorrigible!”  exclaim his legions of followers as they tune in week after week to see what stereotype he’ll perpetuate next!   Whether it’s blacks and their church “habits” or women and their work-prohibitive propensity to get infections, Newt just tells it like it is and can’t no one change his mind.  He’s not going to let liberal journalists con him into answering questions in a debate, and he’s not going to rest until children are back in the workplace where they belong. 

“The fact is, we can afford a fairly ignorant presidency now.” –  Now that one is Newt Gingrich.  And I have no comment. 

DEPUTY SHERIFF RON "BARNEY FIFE" PAUL

“Nip it in the bud!” by which you’d think I’d mean Ron Paul’s presidential campaign, but no, I adore his zany antics.  I, like the fans of Mayberry’s wacky deputy sheriff, tune in each week to see just what Ron Paul will do next.  Barney Fife, seen here once again misfiring his gun, and Ron Paul have a number of things in common.  Though presumably after firing the gun, Ron Paul would have said something like, “Why do police officers carry guns?  Why do we even have police officers?  The government should stay out of our law enforcement!  Strict construction!  Gold Standard!” (fairly accurate summary of Ron Paul’s platform)

With their eyes bugging out in identical shows of fear and rage, both Barney and Ron Paul are, while trying to be helpful, engaging in plans that would ultimately result in the end of government.  Though, of course, Barney’s is purely accidental.  A Paul presidency would look a lot like Barney in charge while Andy’s away.  He’d dance about in a panic, then accidentally end up locking up everyone in town.  And Aunt Bea can’t go through that again. 

If there’s one thing that’s for sure: we want Ron Paul’s single bullet to stay securely in his shirt pocket.   If not, he may accidentally shoot his foot, or the ceiling, or another hole through his economic theories. 

I cannot stop laughing at this picture.

with LITTLE RICKY SANTORUM as GILLIGAN

The “Little Buddy” of the presidential race, Rick Santorum is our happy-go-lucky friend who is always foiling Romney‘s attempts to lock up the nomination by still being in the race.  Just when Mitt was sitting back, counting his primary wins, along came Santorum and knocked him on the head with an Iowa Caucus Coconut.  Gingrich has sent in sexy movie stars, generous millionaires, and more coconut crème pies than you can count, but Santorum resolutely refuses to leave the candidate island, no matter how many anchors he has to throw overboard, tree rafts he has to accidentally send to sea, and coconut radio signals he has to jam.

  

The downside to a Santorum presidency is he’s always going to be the first one captured by tribesmen somehow visiting from neighboring islands, and the whole gang will have to work together to rescue him.  “Awwww, Santorum!!!”